The many adventures of Alex and Thranduil
by She Elf of Hidden Lore
Summary: When you are a bored young woman that was sent to Middle earth without her consent and had to go through the pains of the lack of toilet paper, no showers, wars, stupid men and over all hell for a girl used to an easy life, life can be a pain for her and everyone around. But when she finds an unlikely friendship in King Thranduil, Middle earth is up for a big surprise. DISCO PARTY!
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING**: This is major OOC, PARODY AND AU-ish. For those of you who don't know this, this is a sequel to "Reasons why not to join the Fellowship of the Ring" You don't need to have read that one, though if you do then go ahead! Even if you see many chapters they are extremely short. I read the whole thing within an hour in one go.

**Spoiler alert!** This is a short summary about the first story for those of you who don't know it. Alex is a human girl who is this typical bratty, sort of diva girl who is cast into Middle earth upon her death. This is a Parody as well, and she will give you the reasons why she never wanted to join the Fellowship and the events that made her life impossible. No Mary Sue whatsoever, just pure comedy. Also, as an important note, she and Legolas started with this hating each other relationship that moved to a love/hate relationship, but before this they were like two rabid male pitbulls in one same cage. Seriously, you should check it out :D

**This is a multy Pov, not like the other which only had Alex's pov, just a warning. Also, this is based on the fandom's portrayal or Thranduil as this fabulous party King ;)**

**Co-written with Windy-san, same as last time :)**

**Enjoy! **

Chapter one

Legolas Pov:

I walked down the stairs to the deepest part of the Palace. Alex had been "_pleading_" for me to go to my father's midnight _soirée_, though Alex called it a night club, I am not sure what that is, but I suspect it can't be good. And knowing that my father is also involved in this makes it even worse. The more I descended I heard a strange sound grow. It was something I had never heard before, though I could compare it to the thumping of a war drum, though the rhythm was indeed strange and foreign. I did not like it at all, it seemed to suck peace right out of the air.

As I got near the door I began to hear screaming, hooting and whistling. It made me stop short and I immediately considered turning around and pretending I never heard anything. Curse this curiosity, though I do blame it on Alex, she has somewhat rubbed off on me... though I'd rather cut my hand off before I admit it to her. I took a deep breath and prepared myself as I reached for the handle. I had been here only as an elfling and left for good reasons, but now I seemed to have an even greater sense of dread as my hand turned the handle. I was met with a sight that no immortal life is long enough to erase from memory.

The place looked nothing like how I remembered it to be. The first thing I noticed were the colorful and glittering lights that seemed like they were dancing around the place. I looked up and was stunned to say the least; there they were, Merry and Pippin, dangling from a rope that was tied around their midriff, with a drunken look and holding pieces of colored glasses which they altered in front of the large torch that was used to light the place. They were laughing, drunkenly, and waving their hands erratically to change the lights faster. The next thing that registered was the odd music. Not only was the sound of the instruments something I had not heard before, but the singing had a bizarre rhythm and the lyrics were the most obscene thing I had ever heard in my life.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when suddenly there was a loud roar and a burst of hoots and laughter and I turned towards the large crowd that was gathering around the drinking. I started to make my way through the crowd when suddenly something landed on my head. I took it, looked at it and it seemed to be some type of cloth, but on closer inspection I felt my heart stop.

"No… please no," I whispered to myself as I realized with dread what the cloth was: my father's clothing. I was pulled out of my thoughts once more when loud cheering and screams made my ears ring momentarily. I looked up and I could not believe what I was seeing: there, on top of the bar, were my father and Alexandra. Something happened that had never happened in my two thousand year old life, my jaw dropped. My father was wearing nothing but loin cloth. Alex was dressed, thank the Valar, though I would not count on that being the case for too long if this continued. They began to dance, swaying their bodies on a horrifying manner most obscene and crude. Suddenly, my father gave his back to Alex and swayed his posterior to her and Alex just gave him a please smile. She then proceeded to step forward and began to do as the lyrics said:

_Smack that all on the floor_

_Smack that, give me some more_

_Smack that, till you get sore_

_Smack, oh oh oh oh!_

Thankfully she was not actually "smacking" him, as the song so crudely suggested, but only swaying her hand back and forth close enough to make it look as if she was.

It was then that I began to shake with anger. The sight made my blood boil. I began to shake so much that I did not noticed I had torn my father's robe in two. I tried desperately to get through the crowd, but I could not. I had never seen a crowd of drunken elves like this! It had to be Alex's fault! Nothing like this had ever happened before until she got involved! It was slow progress, but I was finally arriving to the front line when suddenly the elves quiet down. I look up in wonder of what made them do so. I see my father, still standing on the bar with his arms extended in sign of silence. A mischievous smile that does not belong to a King spread across his face.

"Who wants to see Alexandra naked?!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly the crowd went wild beyond reason. My father then turned towards Alex, extending a hand towards her and yelled:

"Take it off!"

He proceeded to wave his fist in the air as he began to chant, along with the crowd "Take it off! Take it off!"

'_She would not. Certainly_ _would n_-' She would alright. I saw her reach for the helm of her tunic and raised it, but stopped mid way and gave the crowd a teasing smile.

"Should I?" she asked, faking the most innocent smile I had ever seen her wear. A crowd of "YES" suddenly exploded, and she smiled drunkenly and proceeded to continue.

That was when I had enough.

"**ALEXANDRA LUCIA GRANGER YOU PUT YOUR TUNIC DOWN RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!**"

The drunken look suddenly disappeared off her face, her eyes widened and the look of fear was mirrored in every feature of her face. That was when everything went quiet, even the music had stopped. I heard a crash of instruments behind me, but I could not care any less. I just stared her down and I saw her fingers begin to tremble slightly as she slowly put her tunic down.

"H-hey, Legolas… I can… this is not what it looks like," she said, taking tiny steps back. I saw that she was about to reach the edge of the bar and I instinctively reached for her, calling her name, but she took it as a hostile act and tried to take a step back, only to give a yelp and fall in the mess of empty bottles behind the counter. I heard the breaking of glass and a pained moan.

"Ow… medic," I heard her say in a small voice.

"Alex!" I yelled as I made my way around the counter. I saw her on the floor, a few pieces of glass had cut into her skin, but nothing too serious. I was about to reach for her when my father's voice distracted me.

"Legolas! You cannot just yell at a lady's face like that! It is terrible manners!"

"You are one to talk!" I said, straightening up and pointing at him. I saw him as he gasped, quite dramatically, and for a moment I thought I had crossed the line, but then he reached for the torn piece of robe that I was still holding in my hand.

"You! You broke my robe!" he said with a shaking voice.

"That is not the major problem here!" I retorted, infuriated.

"This was imported from Valinor when the first elves came to Middle earth! Do you know how much this costs?!" he said, shaking the torn fabric in my face.

"You're the king! NOTHING costs you!"

Thranduil pouted. "That does not mean I cannot appreciate good quality," he said, turning around with a sulking face as he looked over his precious robe.

"Um, I need a little help here."

The pained voice made me remember the girl behind me. "Oh, right," I said, turning around and picking her in my arms. The stench of alcohol was revolting. There had been much more than just Dorwinion wine involved. I could smell the hobbits's brews and even some dwarf liqueur. I bared with Alxandra's drunken chatter and tears as I left the place. I did not even have to look back to know that my father was preparing to start this all over once I was gone.

"Do not even think about it!" I yelled, looking over my shoulder.

"But-"

"No! You are coming with me, now!"

He gave an overtly exaggerated sigh. "My dear son, you're such a bore… I bet you got that from your mother," he said with an impish grin.

"Who is the parent here anyways?"

"Not you, but you could be," he said, looking from me to Alex and back to me with a suggestive smile.

"No," I said, sternly. "Now shut up and do as I say!" I said, exasperatedly and mentally exhausted.

"Yes, _mother_," he said in a heavily sarcastic tone…

**So? Leave us your thoughts! You have no idea how much we love and enjoy reading each and every one of your reviews. There's no such thing as too many, too much or too little, we love them all :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello once more. Just wanted to let you know that we will not be updating very frequently. We will try to have a chapter up on Thursdays, though final weeks are here and exams and work are raining on so if we fall behind it's because of that. We'll see if next week we can post twice, but we can't promise anything.**

**We would love to thank all of you who read Reasons why and are now reading this. Windy-sana and I love it when we see people we recognize. To all of you who are new, Welcome! And thanks for taking your time to read this fic.**

**Chapter two**

Alexandra's pov

So, uh, I bet you're all wondering how we got to this situation. Haha, funny story. Um, how do I explain this? I mean, it didn't really plan any of this. Actually I never really plan anything… you get my point! The thing is, after the breaking of the fellowship, things got boring at Gondor. I spent a year there while Legolas and Gimli went to travel to see caves and forest and all that shit. I was told I could tag along. Sleeping in the dirt? Not showering for weeks? Eating whatever thing you could whip up from under the ground? Hell no! After all I've been through I wanted to stay away from Mother Nature for a while. So I _politely_ declined.

"_FUCK_ **NO**!" I yelled in their faces after they invited me to accompany them.

So I spent a long and dull year at Gondor, mostly alone. Eowyn came to visit once in a while, Faramir (still as handsome as ever) stayed clear of me, but after a while I managed to show him that I was not as perverted as I had appeared to be. That was actually thanks to Eowyn who did her best to put me in good light in his eyes. Also, the fact that I knew Boromir and the fact that Aragorn told him I had done all I could to save his life made me warm up to him.

But their visits were not frequent and Aragorn was too busy running a kingdom and fixing the rest of Middle earth to give me any attention, plus Arwen is still keeping a close eye on me *cough cough* possessive b*tch *cough*. Anywho, I ended up becoming friends with a ton of little kids from Gondor. I believe that it was the child inside of me that made me befriend these adorable little kiddies, that, or the fact that no respectable adult even looked at me without their faces scrunching up in disapproval. But that's okay, it feels great being looked up to by all these little kids. It's like having my own little posy and they do everything I say with eagerness. Being a parent must be great! I don't know what everybody complains about all the time, especially my mother. She would often moan to herself and ask what she had done wrong to deserve such punishment. I was a great kid! Anyways, back to our story, was bored, so when Legolas and Gimli returned from their trip, I was actually pretty excited to see them again.

"Legolas!" I yelled as I ran towards the elf and jumped at him, put my arms around his neck and gave him a tight squeeze. "I'm so happy you're back!" I did not realize that Legolas was stiff as a stone. Only when I felt arms slowly begin to touch my back did I realize what I had done. My eyes widened and I jumped ten feet in the air. "Ew, ew, ew! You can't just hug me like that, Legolas! I am a lady! And what's wrong with your face? It's all red! Even your ears are red!"

He looked at me for a moment and I could see the wheels in his brain turning. "You were the one who hugged me, Alex," he said, plainly as if there was no joy in seeing me after a whole year.

"No I did not!" I said, defensively. "Gimli, tell him!"

"Eh, you did hug him, lassie."

"Pft, your eyes must be broken," I said as I stomped away, ignoring the heat on my cheeks from the embarrassment and mentally kicking myself for putting myself on that position.

Gimli's Pov:

"You know, lad, you could have shown a little more excitement at seeing her. She looked quite happy to see you," I said in a teasing tone, nudging the elf a bit.

"This is Alex that we are talking about. I hardly believe that she would be excited to see _me_."

"But _you _were excited to see her. She was all you talked about for the past week. Were you not saying about how you plan to invite her to travel with you to Eryn Lasgalen?"

I could see the lightest shade of pink on his face as he tried to wave it off and walked away. "I did not do such things. Now stop it with your foolish bantering and let us get going, Aragorn is waiting."

"Oi, you are even starting to sound like her," I teased as I chuckled and followed the elf up the city.

**So, what do you think? It was probably not the funniest, but this was mostly an informative chapter that was necessary for you to get the idea of what's been going on and what will happen. We are taking ideas like last time, so if you have an idea about an event that involves Alex and any character in Middle earth, let us know. Nothing is too crazy, well, you saw the first chapter so you can see that crazy is what we want.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! So just to let you know we might not have a chapter for next Thursday… yeah I'm on the edge of academic suicide, finals are here, I've almost gotten ran over by the huge bus twice in less than a week… my mind isn't in its best moments to think clearly. I'm surprised I'm alive. And Windy-san is now on her new job so she too has her time limited, so there's a possibility that we will not have then next chapter ready by next week, though if that were to happen then we will try our best to have one out early the next week, maybe Tuesday. **

**Enjoy! Reviews and comments are always loved :D**

**Chapter 3**

The first time meeting Thranduil was terrifying. I mean, how many times in your life do you get to meet a real life King, and the King of Mirkwood, uh, no, I mean Greenwood… or was it Eryn something about Lasg… Lasgan… Oh I don't know, something about lasagna. You know people in Middle earth can't write a name without making it freaking weird and complicated.

Okay, so at first I was confused as to why Legolas wanted me to travel with him. You know, the two of us… alone… It's not like we're friends or anything, and we don't exactly see eye to eye, uh more like we want to actually poke each other's eye… I mean, there was that one time, I'm not really sure, but when I was dying I think I might have said that I actually liked him. But come on! I was losing blood like hell, I was on my death bed for crying out loud! Anyone can make a mistake in that sort of situation... Anyways, back to the topic at hand, meeting his dad. So on our travel we had enough time for him to tell me about his dad, and the thing he most repeated was that he was terrible and awful and that his attitude was the worst thing I could think of. So yeah, I was pretty scared to meet him. What if he didn't like me? (Like ninety percent of Middle earth)

At some point I realized that I had been really thinking how to make his dad like me. Then I began to contemplate why I had been thinking so hard on ways to make him like me. I mean, it's not like we're a couple or anything. Pffft, that is seriously crazy. Me and Legolas together? Yeah right! I mean like he's not good looking or anything, but… I mean he actually is pretty hot if you think about it, and he has some awesome battle skills that make a woman go week on the knees, and he has such beautiful golden hair that make you wonder how it would feel to run your hands through it, and those beautiful sky blue eyes that make any stormy day bright, and that voice that can sing and make angels bow down in shame, and those lips, oh God those lips! I mean, have you ever seen such freaking kissable lips?! I just wanna… I just wanna… I don't even know what I wanna do, damn it! Why am I even thinking about this? He's a pompous narcissistic, bastard elf that just wants to show off every time he gets the chance! I should hate him! I should totally hate him!

I just look at him, riding beside me and I felt a sudden anger at his stupid perfectness.

"I fucking hate you, you stupid son of half troll!"

Legolas simply looked at me, stunned, and just sighed.

"Do you not ever behave like a normal person?"

"Why should I?"

He simply shook his head, apparently resigned to how I am, and continued to ride along.

Those were twenty one long days. By the time we reached Greenwood, I was mentally exhausted. Have you any idea what it's like to spend nights and nights in the middle of nowhere with the most beautiful being in the planet and you can't even touch him! I mean, I am a perfectly healthy young woman with needs who still hasn't gotten any action, so it's just normal to want to have thoughts about jumping the elf while he's sleeping and just gobble him up! But of course this is Legolas we're talking about and I would end up running all the way back to Gondor to avoid my inevitable death if I tried anything funny with him. Stick in the mud.

So yeah, back to meeting Legolas's dad. Apparently he somehow knew that we had arrived cuz he was waiting at the entrance of his palace accompanied by a few more elves. I hadn't see anyone on our way there, but elfs do have that supervision so someone probably saw us from afar and told him. I was a nervous wreck. I don't remember the last time I was actually lost for words and acting with all the properness I could muster. Legolas gave me a reassuring smile but that didn't help at all. All I could think of was of the majestic elf standing in front of me. He was so tall, with beautiful long, golden hair that cascaded from his head to his shoulders and was crowned with a flower crown, wearing long and beautiful robes. The next thing I noticed was how incredibly beautiful this guy was. I mean damn! He was drop DEAD gorgeous! He had jewel like eyes that had such a dept that spoke of thousands of years of life. His features seemed as if they had been hand carved by angels. And, dare I say it, his beauty was even more brilliant and dazzling that Legolas's. I was just dumbfounded! I saw as Legolas got a hug from his father and they spoke a few things in elvish before Legolas turned towards me with a smile and introduced me to his father.

"Father, this is Alexandra Lucia. Alexandra, this is my father, Thranduil Oropherion, King of Eryn Lasgalen."

Thranduil had a light smile as he looked at me and gave me a curt nod. "Such a lovely name for such a beautiful lady."

I only know I blushed a little. I didn't even know where I should be looking at. Would it be rude if I stared at his face? Maybe I should not look at him? Or is it rude not to look at him?! Legolas never really prepared me for this moment. I had no experiences with kings. I mean, Aragorn was a king but I met him when he was basically a street rat, and Lord Elrond wasn't exactly a king. So how should I react? What should I say?! My mouth spoke when my mind was still trying to process the thoughts, so I just blurted out the first thing that managed to come out.

"Uh, thanks… You too? I mean! Not you too as in you too are beautiful! I mean, not that you're not beautiful! I mean, cuz you're gorgeous! But I'm not hitting on you! I would never hit on you! Not that you're not worthy of being hit on by me! Wait, you probably don't even know what 'hitting on' means. It's not actually hitting as in me hitting you, it's more like… oh what's that word? Court? Courting! But I'm not courting you or anything. That would be awkward since you're Legolas's father. That would be like hitting on my father! I mean, that's just totally weird, right?"

Silence.

There was just a dead silence in the air. The elves that were accompanying the King were looking at me with a look of horror that I had never seen on elves before. Legolas just looked like he was about to slam his head against a tree, but settled for just putting his hand over his face with a look that said "Oh God! What did you just do?!"

That's when I looked at Thranduil and I see that he has this deadly serious face on and I can only think of one thing: I'm about to be beheaded and fed to the few remaining giant spiders in the forest. He slightly parted his lips and gave a small nod.

"Of course," was all he said. He then looked at Legolas and the rest of the elves around him and said, "Could you all excuse us for a moment? Legolas, you too. I need to speak to Alexandra alone."

Everyone remained silent. slowly, the elves began to walk away, some giving me looks of pity before disappearing. Legolas was hesitant to leave. He took a step forward and began to speak.

"Father I think-" but he was interrupted when Thranduil made a small movement of his hand, silencing him immediately.

"This is no concern of your's Legolas," he said in an authoritarian voice that sent shivers down my spine.

I see that Legolas really knows not to go against his father, so he spares me one last look before moving away. We stood there for a while, giving the elves a chance to get away from earshot. I feel like running but my feet are just rooted to the floor, which was an incredibly odd thing since one of my most special abilities is running like hell, but I was jinxed by his powerful stare. He started to pace around me, thoroughly studying me, and I knew I was about to really die.

"So, Alexandra," he started, slowly. "Tell me something." He paused for a second, waiting for my reply.

"Uh… yes?" I said in a small voice.

"Did you really break a vase on top of Gandalf's head?"

"Uh…" Is this a trick question? Is this some kind of test? What kind of question is that?! I was about to get killed and this is what I had to answer right before I died? What will he think if I say the truth? I mean, I just disrespected him and I was about to admit that I had also disrespected one of the most powerful beings in the entire Middle earth? I was just digging myself a deeper hole! I wanted to lie. Normally I would have shamelessly lied like a filthy rug, but the way he held my gaze so intensely, for the first time in my life I didn't dare to.

So I did what I had to. I straightened my back, held a firm stance and looked him straight in the eye. If I was about to die, then I would do it with dignity! As I spoke, my voice didn't quiver, my eyes didn't avert and my body didn't hesitate.

"Yes, yes I did."

He just stared at me with a serious expression and I held his gaze with the same determination.

"By the Valar! That is simply astonishing!" His face had gone from dead serious to a wide and giddy smile and his eyes had mischievous gleam in them . "I mean, even I do not dare to do such a thing, and I am the King!"

I was still rooted to the floor, but for a different reason now, and that was the massive shock I was going through. Was I dead and imagining all this? Can you imagine things when you're dead? Maybe I was just going through brain damage because of the fear and was now hallucinating.

He suddenly put his hands on my shoulders, beaming at me as if I was a superhero and him the little fanboy.

"You, little lady, are one courageous lass."

"Uh…"

"Come now, you simply must tell me the whole story," he said, putting a hand behind my back and leading me into the palace. I simply followed like a robot. I could not think straight. Here I was thinking I was facing my death, and this majestic king just bursts into a major gossip girl mode. This was seriously above and beyond my list of all things weird in Middle earth.

Legolas pov

I had given my father a half hour with Alexandra, but seeing as they were not back yet, I decided to go out and see how things were going. But as I arrived to where I had left them, I could find no one. I began to ask if anyone had seen where my father and Alex were, but the guards had changed shifts so no one had seen them in a long time. I began to search the palace and ask for them, but no one had seen them. Over an hour later I found someone who told me he had seen my father taking Alex to the deepest level in the dungeons. I felt as the blood drained from my face. Surely, he would not hurt her. Surely… I darted towards the dungeons. I was quite far from them at the moment, never having imagined that he would take her there. By the time I was arriving there it had been almost two hours since I had left them, enough time to allow too many things to happen. I began to call for them, but I got no answer. There was no place I had not searched in the dungeons. The only thing left was the gold vault, in the deepest parts of the palace. I did not expect to find them there, but I made my way there just in case. I heard movement inside and my ears suddenly caught the sound of Alexandra's voice, begging.

"Oh, God no... Please... just stop" she sounded almost as if she was choking "I can't take this anymore! Please stop!"

I felt my heart drop and I burst through the door. The sight before me was truly horrifying, but not for the reasons I had expected. There he was, my father, with half of the jewelry of the vault decorating his body. He was holding a spear as if it was a staff and was waving it around as if he was casting magic spells.

Alexandra was bent over, choking for air as she laughed. My father, on the other hand, was mimicking Gandalf.

"I could have totally gotten everyone to Mordor in one night on the eagles that always respond to my call, but I did not because I am Gandal and I do whatever I want!"

Alex just fell to the floor, clutching her sides as she her laughter became nothing more than silent wheezes as her lungs struggled for air. It was then that my father noticed my presence.

"Oh, Legolas! Where have you been? Alexandra is such a darling! Why did you not introduce me to her before?"

I was stunned into silence for a moment. Just what was he wearing?! It was then that Alex noticed my presence as well and, even though she was a little breathless, she managed to get back to her feet.

"Man, Legolas! You really had me scared for a while! You made me think your father was this terrifying tyrant. But he's the coolest person I've met in Middle earth! Why did you say he was such a terrible person?!"

Legolas looked between me and his father a few times and then sighed.

"What have I done?" he whispered to myself. I could not believe it. I've taken two monsters and made an even bigger one. How did I not see this coming? I had not anticipated anything regarding their relationship since they met. Considering Alex's history of problems with authority, I had expected, or rather hoped, for them to keep safe distance from each other. It seems I was catastrophically wrong. I had told Alex my father was terrible because to me he was a terrible being. Yes, he could be a proper and versatile King when he wanted to, but he could also be the most troublesome and childish person I had ever met. In a way, he was worse than Alex, because she was just an ordinary being (if the word 'ordinary' can actually fit Alex) but my father was a King, a King!

"Oh! Oh!" Alex exclaimed. "Can you do a Galadriel impression?"

I saw as my father extended his arms in a regal manner.

"I am your Queen! All shall love me and despair!"

Alex burst into laughter, but I simply turned on my heels and walked out without saying another word.

Alex's Pov.

After I had managed to stop laughing, I noticed that Legolas was gone.

"Are you sure you're his real dad?" I said looking at Thranduil with a questioning look.

Thranduil was silent for a moment, contemplating this. "Hmm, well, I am almost certain that he is mine… almost. There is always a chance that he might not be," he said with mock seriousness, but I knew there was no denying that he was his. We looked at each other and shared another good laugh. Somehow I knew my boring days in Middle Earth would finally be over.

**So? What do y'all think? Comments and reviews are always welcome. Don't be shy. Also, we are taking suggestions and ideas so either by comment or PM you can let us know.**


	4. Chapter 4

**WARNING: First, we have plans to change the title to "The many adventures of Alex in Middle earth" because it helps the story along since we want to show her adventures not only with Thranduil but with the rest of Middle earth. Even though Thranduil is a main character and will be present in most of the chapters, there are a few times when he will not be in a chapter or two. So, since we are still early in the story, we will probably be changing it in a day or two after people know what we are doing. **

**Though I believe there is no need for this since this is a PARODY after all, I shall remind you that there will be plenty of OOC, especially with Thranduil.**

**Anyone who wants to see the pictures that inspired us to create this Thranduil can go to my profile and follow the links. They're awesome, trust me :D And sorry once more for the delay.**

**Chapter 4**

So my real first day at Greenwood started the day after I arrived. It didn't start the best way since I yelled at an elf lady's face when she came to wake me up at seven in the morning for breakfast. I thought royalty woke up whenever they wanted to have breakfast. But no, they're elves and they wanna get up early with the birdies and shit. So yeah, the elf lady brought me this long ass dress, since no one had yet had the time to take my measurements to make me some clothes, and everything I had from the journey was smelly and all stained. Actually, I left with three sets of clothing from Gndor, including the one I was wearing, and all of them ended up as if I had been rolling down a rocky hill. Meanwhile, Legolas only brought the one set of clothes he was wearing and they remained as if he had never worn them in the first place! Explain that! So anyways, I was left stumbling my way around the castle. That is, until I ripped about a foot or two of fabric. The elf I took the dagger from to cut it off was rather stunned at my _rash _behavior. But meh, I'm used to people reacting to me that way. It's my thing, ya know? So anyway, yeah, elves apparently don't know the meaning of "sleeping in", so after that little fiasco with the skirt, I finally went to have breakfast with Thranduil and Legolas.

So I literally broke through the giant palace doors into the dining area. To my surprise, I saw some elf guards flinch at the booming sound. Apparently they're not used to loud noises here. Well too bad, cuz I'm here now and silence doesn't go well with me. I looked over at the table and saw Legolas, but my eyes went for Thranduil. I saw him and nodded my head and raised my hand at him.

"What up, Big T?" I exclaimed cheerfully.

Thranduil returned the wide smile and gave me a peace sign with one of his hands, something that I had taught him the day before at the vault. "Not much, my bff. Just chillin' with my son." he said cheerfully. Oh yeah, I had also taught Thranduil some "earth lingo".

Legolas looked between the two, a bewildered expression on his face. I saw him mouth the word _chillin' _and just shook his head with a very confused expression.

"Ada, what does bff mean?"

Thranduil gave Legolas a look of disbelief. "Dear Legolas! Get with the program. Of course bff means 'best friends forever. Valar, Legolas, you're so old fashioned!"

Legolas looked insulted and he was not trying to hide it. How on earth was he supposed to know? But yeah, I loved that right now I was seeing parts of Legolas that I had never seen. When he was with the Fellowship, he was so reserved and hardly showed that he felt much, but now with his dad and being in a home environment, he showed a lot more than he usually did.

So after eating breakfast, Thranduil and Legolas set out with me to show me around the city. It was amazing how the elves carved a city inside the mountain. I know Moria was supposed to be a grand thing, but it wasn't compared to this. Then again, we did only see what was left after the siege. Anyways, Thranduil was showing me around the place, but he constantly got distracted with passing elves, saying things like "Alagcelon, dashing robe you were wearing last Sunday," or, "Wonderful party last week, Aglared, it was marvellous." Then he leaned in to whisper to me. "But his choice of fashion was ghastly!" he said while he chuckled, giving the elf a look before looking at me again.

"Really, adar," Legolas said in a sigh, pressing his fingers to his forehead, but his comment was ignored.

"I mean, honestly, that robe with those shoes? What was he thinking?! His fashion is as bad as a dwarf's," he said before laughing loudly at his own joke.

I simply chuckled a bit. I mean, I agree with him, dwarfs don't have any fashion sense whatsoever, but since I'm friends with Gimli, I didn't really feel like commenting on it. Legolas, on the other hand, seemed rather offended and ready to defend his friend's honor, or fashion sense.

"Adar, please, those sorts of comments aren't fit for a _respectable _King." He spat that last part with a slight sneer, making it almost sound as if he was actually calling Thranduil unfit to be King. Thranduil stopped in his tracks immediately after hearing this. He spun around dramatically to look at his son, his hand in his chest, his eyes wide and his mouth opened in shock. He almost looked comical.

"Ion nín!" he exclaimed before trailing into fast elvish that I could not follow. I never thought I would see an elf be so physical in his expression. He started to throw a tantrum! I mean, a real childish tantrum! He flung his arms and stomped his feet, raising his voice more than I had ever thought elves were capable of. I could hardly keep up with what he was saying since he would slip between elvish and english after two words. I caught "You ungrateful son!", "You don't get me!", I had to snicker at that, he sounded like a real angsty teenager. "Your mother would understand me!" he then stopped and gave a melodramatic sigh. "Oh, why did your mother had to depart to the Heavens and leave me with you?" he then became quite melancholic, pressing his face to his hands. "I was so young! What did I know about raising a little elfling! This is all my fault! I should have raised you better. It was my duty to make you more trend-aware and sociable! But no, you wanted to play with arrows! And trees! And dirt!" he spat, each time getting closer and closer to his face.

I saw Legolas' eyes narrow dangerously. "That is what _normal elves __**do**_! _You_, on the other hand, have done nothing in the past century but throw senseless parties and done nonsense while I had to break my back trying to get the Ring bearer to Mordor in order to save Middle earth!"

Okay, even I thought that his words were a bit harsh. I could see the hurt in Thranduil's eyes as his lips formed a pout, so I decided that as his bff I had to do something about it. I jumped in between them, using my tush to bump Legolas back as hard as I could and giving Thranduil the biggest smile I could. "Hey, bff! How about you show me that fabulous elk of yours?"

Instantly, Thranduil's eyes brightened and his smile returned to his face so fast that it was almost as if nothing had happened at all. "Why certainly, _my _bff," he said, emphasizing 'my' as he gave Legolas a quick glare. "At least _someone_ here understands me."

I heard Legolas groan behind me as Thranduil led me away and I looked over my shoulder to glare at him. He swung his arms up in the air with an exasperated look. I was actually a bit stunned since I had never seen him do that before. Anyways, we got to the stables and I got to see the massive elk. That thing is way bigger than I had imagined. Truly fit for a King. Man, that thing is majestic as fuck!

"Wow," I said out loud. "You are one awesome creature!" I said in awe.

Thranduil smiled, rather proudly I might say, and gave quite the smug laugh and went to pet him. He then switched to elvish, and from the way he said it, I believe he had told him what I just said. The elk puffed his chest and huffed loudly to show his appreciation. He then moved his head forwards and nudged me.

"Aw! It likes me! It actually likes me!" I exclaimed with more enthusiasm than I like to admit. Thing don't normally like me, okay? People, animals, wizards, basically most things that breathe. I looked back at Legolas with a massive grin, but instead, I found him glaring at the elk. I was shocked to say the least. I looked at Thranduil with questioning eyes. He just chuckled.

"Oh, don't worry darling, Alagos just doesn't like Legolas that much."

My jaw dropped in shock at that comment. There's actually an animal capable of disliking Legolas but liking me?! I gazed between the angry elf and the elk and I could have sworn that the elk was actually glaring back at Legolas. Legolas just gave a rather un elf like huf and turned around.

After that little awkward moment, Thranduil decided to give me a tour of the surrounding forest. He decided to go on his elk while Legolas and I just grabbed two horses and followed. I must say, seeing Thranduil on the elk made me realize that no horse would have ever done justice to the King's majestic aura. It just radiated from him! Anyways, we went around the forest, Legolas got a bit ahead of us to inspect something. That was when I got this brilliant idea of pranking Legolas. It was easy to draw Thranduil in. It would be a bit of revenge for earlier. Anyways, we agreed that I would take a stroll away from the group and pretend I got lost. Easy with my lack of sense of direction in bloody forests. Then I would cry wolf, saying there was a giant spider, and let Legolas get a small heart attack while he thinks I'm being devoured. Anyways, Thranduil placed me on the spot, just to make sure I wouldn't really get lost and he leave. I gave him a minute before I burst into a blood curling shriek.

"Spider! Help me!" I shrieked again and snickered when I heard Legolas calling my name with urgency. I am still laughing when I hear the creaking of leaves behind me. I freeze on the spot. I slowly look back and, what do you know? There was not one, not two, but a freaking horde of giant spiders behind me! The Universe is cruel indeed.

"FUCK!" I screamed as I made a run for it.

_Meanwhile_

Legolas broke through the bushes and found his father, laughing himself silly.

"Father! Alexandra? Where is she?!"

Thranduil waved his hand and managed to control his laughter.

"Oh relax, she is fine."

"But-"

"It was just a silly jest to get you back for being so mean earlier."

Alex's screams reached their ears once more.

"Help!"

Legolas rolled his eyes and ignored her.

"Fucking damn it! Somebody help me! The screams seemed to be getting closer.

"Enough, Alex!" Legolas shouted. "I know you are only jesting!"

"I'm not joking you bloody son of a half troll!"

Legolas gave his father a smug smirk, crossing his arms over his chest. "You heard her."

"Why I never!" Thranduil exclaimed.

Suddenly, they heard Alex's footsteps and a second later she broke through the trees, flying past them like an arrow while screaming madly. "RUN!"

True enough, a horde of giant spiders was on her tail. For the briefest of seconds, the two elves were left stunned at the fact that there was actually a horde of giant spiders chasing her. The two elves quickly jumped into action, slaying them as fast as they could, but one managed to slip past them and follow Alex.

_Alex's pov_

I ran so fast I wasn't even sure if I was being followed anymore, but I didn't even dare to think about it cuz my legs were just moving on their own and if I tried to just control them I would probably end up tangling them and crashing down. So I just kept running until I saw that in I was running out of terrain. In front of me was a rather large ditch under which a fast river passed. I could see the thin corde that the elves had left there to pass from one side to another, just like they did in Lothlorien. There was no way I could walk over that on my own, but there was a giant spider on my tail, so I did what I could: I lunged myself in mid air and just grabbed at the cord as I fell. Luckily I managed to hold onto it, but there was no way I could move from that spot. The spider seemed to realize quickly that I was a lost cause and left. So, I was left dangling in the middle of the ditch, furious river flowing at my feet, and no way to get across. After a few minutes passed of me catching my breath, I started to get a bit panicked at being trapped. So as I was about to open my mouth to scream for help, an elf that just so happened to be walking around found me.

"Lady Alexandra? What are you doing there?" he asked, and I could not tell if he was actually asking me or if it was rhetorical.

"Oh, nothing," I said most casually. "You know, just _hanging _around, watching the scenery. Nice river, huh?" I said, sarcasm dripping from my words like poison.

"Yes…" he said, reluctantly, obviously not getting me at all. "Quite so. Is… is this a custom of your people? To dangle from ropes to watch the scenery?"

"No you bloody elf! I was attacked by a giant spider and this was the only way out! Now get your ass over here and help me!".

So I learned a few lessons: one, never joke about giant spiders in a forest where there are actual giant spiders, and two, never call Legolas son of a half troll when his dad might be hearing. Thranduil didn't take it too kindly and I had to explain the whole dynamic Legolas and I shared at the beginning of the Quest.

**Translation: **_Ion nín!_- my son.

**Woohoo! Yeah, we did it, a chapter was finally posted. So what did you think? Any ideas? Wacky or serious, we take them all into serious consideration and try to integrate them into the story.**

******In case you didn't read it on the first note, we have plans to change the title to "The many adventures of Alex in Middle earth" because it helps the story along since there want to make show her adventures not only with Thranduil but with the rest of Middle earth. ****Even though Thranduil is a main character and will be present in most of the chapters, there are a few times when he will not be in a chapter or two. So, since we are still early in the story, we will probably be changing it in a day or two after people know what we are doing.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi! I was just trying to replace the chapter since I found some mistakes, but the freaking darn things wouldn't allow me (problems with the system or I don't know what) so I had to erase the chapter and post it as a new chapter, so it's still the same chapter for those who have read it.**

**Parody + Humor= Major OOC**

**Chapter 5**

A few days had gone by since I had arrived at Greenwood. I had spent most of my time prancing around with Thranduil and helping him with his kingly duties, which turned out to be a huge mistake, sorry Celebsigil...

_ "So, Celewilly,"_

_ "It is 'Celebsigil'," the elf told me, trying to hide his annoyance._

_ "Yeah, whatever. So I'm helping Thranduil out with his duties and all, and he told me that I could help you organize the latest reports."_

_ The elf in question raised an eyebrow. "Do you know any Sindarin?"_

_ Shit. "Uh, no…"_

_ The elf sighed. "Then how do you propose you help me if you cannot read what it's written?"_

_"Um, I don't know. Don't you have anything that's in english?"_

_"English?"_

_"Yeah!"_

_The elf looked honestly confused. "Is english what you call the common tongue, by any chance?"_

_"Oh right, yeah, that."_

_He gave it a thought. In the end, since I couldn't read Sindarin I really couldn't do anything with the reports, books or anything that required reading or writing, and in the end I was given the task to dust off the place. Whoopy. NOT! Anyways, I spent a good half an hour cleaning dust from the shelves and stuff, though I was ,told to keep away from the tables that had stacks of papers. Some were old reports, others pages of books that had to be sewed back, and stuff like that. So yeah, I was simply walking pass certain table when I notice a little silver shine from in between the giant stacks of paper. I made sure the elf was busy with his own things before I tiptoed as close as I could to the table. I could only see a tiny bit of silver metal trapped between the papers and, well, curiosity got the best of me. I carefully reached in, trying my very best not to touch anything. I was so close, my finger was already touching the shiny metal. Somehow, as I began to pull it out, a stack fell, and that stack pushed another, and another, and another… and yeah, the entire table came down, papers flying in every direction, mixing everything that had been sorted out._

_"What in Eru's name?!" the elf exclaimed as he got to his feet, his eyes wide as marbles._

_I stood frozen on the spot, arm stretched over the table, grabbing the silver item, my back slightly bent over and the duster on my other hand. I slowly looked at the item in my hand. For a mess of this magnitude, this had better be something worth this, but no, it was a spoon. A bloody damned spoon!_

_"Fuck!" I muttered._

_"Ego! Hi!" he shouted in outrage. _

_I didn't know what he had just said but I was pretty sure he was telling me to leave. Whether it was that or not, I was not going to stick around to find out. I bolted out of the room, spoon still in my hand._

_"Sorry, Celeseagull!" I yelled as I ran out of the room._

_"It is Celebsigil!" he shouted after me. _

Anyways, back to the main story. I was now bored and with nothing to do since elves live life way too slowly for my liking, and even though I was now basically "blessed" with elven longevity, I could not get into that slow elven mojo. So one day over breakfast I told Legolas of my boredom. I didn't really think he was listening to me, but I guess he really took this into consideration because the next day he surprised me by taking me to the woods. We arrived at a little clearing where a few other elves were waiting. In the middle of the clearing there was a sort of band of elves with musical instruments. I was really surprised with the whole thing and a bit excited, that is until they actually started playing. A few elves danced under the stars and others simply listened to the music, all looking rather pleased with it all. I, on the other hand, was falling asleep on Legolas's shoulder. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the nice gesture and attempt to entertain me, but elf music is not really my style, and even if it picked up a few times to livelier music, it still wasn't my thing. If I had to describe it, it sounded like the celtic music one of my geek friends listened to. She was awesome, she was actually the reason I knew a slimmer of the whole Lord of the Rings movies. Anyways, I was falling asleep on Legolas' shoulder when he shook me awake.

"Are you not enjoying this?" he asked me.

"Wh-what huh?" I said, waking up. "Oh yeah no, it's pretty, the flutes and harps and all that stuff."

He frowned. "Then why are you falling asleep?"

"Cuz, though I appreciate your efforts in entertaining me, this is really not something fun for me."

He frowned a bit. "Alright, then what would be fun for you?"

I gave him a wide, mischievous grin.

_An hour later_

_Like the legend of the Phoenix,_

_All ends with beginnings._

_What keeps the planets spinning,_

_The force from the beginning_

The sound didn't sound exactly like the original Daft Punk song sounds since elvish instruments weren't nearly the same as the ones I know, but it still sounded pretty good. I chose that song even though it was not close to what I would prefer, but it was a start and I needed something less pop-ish sounding and more mellow. Anyways, teaching them the lyrics and getting the sound right was most of the fun. I was stunned to see how they quickly figured out the tune and all.

"Okay, now, you dance like this," I said, swaying my entire body smoothly at the rhythm of the song. Of course the elves were quite reluctant to move that way since it seemed so foreign to them and it was a bit far from the graceful movements they were used to.

_She's up all night till the sun,_

_I'm up all night to get some._

_She's up all night for good fun,_

_I'm up all night to get lucky._

As the chorus went on, I looked at the elves that were starting to slowly get into the dance and I gave one of the young elves a toothy grin as I danced in a humping motion when it repeated _"We're up all night to get lucky."_ I nudged him with my shoulder as I continued to do the motion. "If you get what I mean. Right? Right?" I said as I wiggled my eyebrows with a suggestive grin.

The elf simply stared at me for a moment. "No, I do not know."

I almost face palmed myself. I was surrounded by a bunch of big Kindergarteners. "Um, well, you know? Get lucky? As in… well, you know, getting some." I say, repeating the humping motion once just frowned a little as he tried to understand me. Now I did face palm myself. These were probably thousand year old virgins! And I really didn't dare explain what the song meant, remembering how the men of Rohan reacted to me over the slightest innuendo. "You know what? Just forget it and do the dance."

The elf accepted my response and continued to dance. Just imagine a bunch of elves dancing like that, oblivious to what the song and movements meant. After I was done teaching the elves on the dance floor the dance, I went over to Legolas and pulled him by the arm. "Come on, Legolas! Dance with me!" Legolas just gave me a slightly sheepish look and rooted his feet to the ground.

"I would prefer not to"

"Aw come on! Please? Just one!" I could see it in his eyes that he really wasn't convinced by my little dance and he suspected that it wasn't all that '_child proof'_'. Having spent so long with me must have made him aware of my antics. Just as I was about to try to convince him, the sound of hurried hooves interrupted me and in a few seconds, Thranduil came riding in on his elf.

"I heard Legolas had prepared a little soirée. How could you not invite me?!" he exclaimed, looking at Legolas. "I am always the life of the party!"

I smiled widely and let go of Legolas and just grabbed Thranduil.

"Come dance with me!" I said as I pulled him to the dance floor with no objection from his part and danced and danced deep into the night.

Legolas had simply shook his head but gave us a small smile. He sat on a tree branch and observed the whole thing for the rest of the night.

So in the end, Legolas' idea (I'll have to thank him later for that) was really a good one cuz I ended up having a lot of fun with the other elves and Thranduil, and I also started making a few friends as well. Things were looking good for me.

**Translations: **_Ego!- Begone. Hi!- Now!_

**A little note for those of you who might not know it, in Tolkien's language the name Celebsigil (which is the one I made for the elf) is read Celeb, the 'Ce' sounding solid like 'ca' does, and Sigil, 'gil' sounding solid as well, like 'Gilbert'.**

**Also, we are still contemplating on if we should or not change the title to "The many adventures of Alex in Middle earth". For those of you who didn't read the note before, this is because not every chapter will be about Alex and Thranduil, we want to show her adventures with other characters even thought Thranduil is a main character of the story. Let us know what you think please :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: Once again, just in case, OOC characters.**

**Reviews and ideas are super welcome!**

**Chapter 6**

So Legolas is really excited cuz Gimli is arriving for a visit today and I can relate to that cuz I haven't seen him in quite a while. So I can't wait to see him again and have him tell me stories and get piss drunk with him again and joke around with him too… but mostly get drunk cuz nobody here wants to drink with me; not after that campfire incident last week. I can still smell the burning hair… but let's not go into that now. Anyways, I decided to sit out this one and let Legolas rendezvous with Gimli (I'm still getting over the whole giant spiders incident and I get jumpy when I go out)

So yeah, I was waiting around near the stables when I finally see the dwarf on his pony and Legolas right beside him. I could see that Legolas was having quite the little lively chat with him. His eyes were shining brightly and his smile was so honest… if I didn't know any better I'd say he was in love with the dwarf. But that sounds horribly disturbing so I won't think about that. Anyways, I started to walk towards them so I could meet them, and Gimli saw me and waved at me.

"Hey, lassy! How are the pointy eared ones treating you?" he said with a big grin on his face.

"Gimli!" I exclaimed as I threw my arms around him, almost knocking him off his pony. Then I got a good sniff of him and darted back. "Ew, you smell! How about you take a bath and we can then resume the happy reunion thing?"

Gimli chuckled. "Always the same Alex I see. Glad to know the uptight elves have not influenced you."

"Nah, man. I'm unchangeable!"

Legolas turned his head aside to grumble. "Indeed, Valar knows I have tried."

We moved on from the Stables to the Palace where Thranduil was waiting for us to arrive. I had not thought about asking Legolas was his dad's relationship with Gimli was, so I was not sure what to expect. I knew Gimli had visited Legolas' home when they left to travel for a year, but I don't know what happened then. Anyways, we got to the throne room and, well, it was quite an interesting sight. Thranduil has always been fabulous, but it seemed he was upgrading it. He was wearing this long and wide silver cape with beautiful designs. His crown seemed taller and with more flowers than usual, and he had this big ass staff that had glowing gems on it.

I wasn't the only one who noticed this strange new transformation, for Legolas stopped abruptly in his steps, before quickly trying to cover it up and continue walking, though I could see it in his eyes that he was indeed annoyed.

"Adar, Gimli has arrived."

Thranduil remained silent for a moment before sitting up straight and stood up, his clothes and capes whooshing around him so magnificently it was ridiculous. A small, courteous smile made itself visible on his face before he gave Gimli a small nod.

"Welcome, littl- I mean, Master dwarf."

No one missed that, but no one pointed it out either. Gimli just gave Thranduil a bow.

"It is an honor to be welcomed to Eryn Lasgalen, King Thranduil."

"Of course it is," Thranduil said, rolling his eyes.

I had to hide a laugh with a cough. It amazed me how Thranduil, the last elven King, could be so childish at times. Anyways, the day went on and there was palpable tension between Gimli and the King, so after a while of listening to disguised insults, I decided to just suggest a game to lighten the mood. What game? Well, none other than Strip Poker! I explained the rules to everyone and Legolas was highly against it, but Thranduil forced him to play. The thing is, Thranduil and I had already made a deal to make sure Legolas would lose. Why? Well, for Thranduil it was just a way to prank his son. For me it was an excuse to see him naked. I spent long nights in the plains alone with such a magnificent looking elf, and with only my imagination to give me comfort. Finally I would get to see what's underneath that tunic. We invited a few other male elves to play. I would not play, I would just pretend to be Gimli's ally and help him win. God knows I've seen what's under a dwarf's clothes and I don't ever want to poison my eyes like that again. Anyways, the first round started and I was guiding Gimli with all my experience and knowledge of the game, praying to God that he wouldn't lose so that I didn't have to see any dwarf part of him, ANY dwarf part! God knows I've seen enough naked dwarf parts to be traumatized for a lifetime, and I'm immortal now! Thranduil was actually catching up to the game really quickly. He was really very enthusiastic about it and seemed to be enjoying himself greatly. I was guiding Gimli, so in the end, Legolas lost the first round, much to his disappointed and my glee. Sadly, the only thing he lost was his shoes. Man, who knew feet could be this cute and pretty?! They look so soft I wanna touch 'em! Which is weird since I don't really have a feet fetish and this is the first time I've ever been attracted to feet. Another round passed and Legolas lost once more, this time removing his tunic, but sadly he still had a shirt beneath. Thranduil had actually won the first two rounds, even if he had no experience and I was guiding Gimli with all I got. But it seemed that he had other plans now, for he lost the next round, and it was really a very stupid loss. And, unlike his son who was smart enough to take off his shoes first, he just took off his robe, staying only in his trousers. He stood up and we followed him with our eyes. Then, he started to slowly unbutton his robe, ever so slowly as he gave a smirk, giving Gimli a side glance. Next, he let his robe fall just slightly over his shoulders, revealing a bit of chest. He made a pause for effect, and then whoosh! It all went off in such a graceful manner, the cloth just falling to the ground like a peacock's feather slowly drifting with the wind.

Holy Christ! And I thought he was gorgeous with clothes on! I never really thought of what lied underneath Thranduil's clothes. I mean, he's super handsome and all, but he's my bff so it never really crossed my mind to think beyond that. It really does make sense, to see such a gloriously fit body. He's a King after all, and a warrior, or so I've heard. His skin was fair and seemed to radiate light. His arms were strong, but not overly muscled. Lifting and swinging great battle swords really did wonders to him. And his abbs! My God! I just wanted to eat off of them! I don't think I've ever seen anyone so beautiful. I felt my mouth was hanging open and I really didn't register when my thoughts made their way to my lips.

"Wow, you are one hot papa!"

With a very smooth movement, he turned to look at me, his hair dancing in the air around him. He gave me a really smug smile and winked.

"Why thank you, my bff."

That was when I realized that I was voicing my thoughts. "Uh… did I really say that out loud?"

I yelped when there was a loud thud. I turned my head to see Legolas' fits planted on the table.

"Ada! Have you no shame?!"

"Why should I be ashamed of my glorious body?" he said, giving Gimli another side glance. It was way to obvious that he was just doing this to show off to the dwarf, not that I was complaining. Gimli just turned his face aside to mutter something in Khuzdul. He really didn't react much, to my surprise, but I guess he was really trying to be the bigger person here.

Thranduil finally sat down and the game went on. I was constantly throwing him glances. Having seen an elf shirtless for the first time was really taking its toll on me. I could hardly concentrate on helping Gimli win, and you know I can hardly concentrate under normal circumstances so this was extremely hard for me. Legolas had lost and I had thought he would finally take off his shirt and reveal what I had only seen in my fantasies, but no, he had to have an undershirt under his shirt! Damn elves and their ridiculous amount of clothes. How does an elf not sweat with so many clothes on?! But finally, after a few more rounds, the moment of truth came. I knew Legolas had nothing under his shirt when, after losing the round, he looked extremely hesitant. He was frowning with a concentrated look on his face.

"Come now, my son. Shirt off," Thranduil said, unfazed by his son's discomfort. "No need to be shy."

I took my chance to tease. "Yeah, no need to be shy," I said and I'm pretty sure I had a rape face on. "Take it off!"

That was when I saw him blush. He blushed! Like this cute, embarrassed blush that was so eeep! He frowned even more, his look of concentration doubling. Slowly, he brought his arms to the helm of his undershirt and grabbed it. I almost jumped over the table to get a better view. I was clawing the edge of the table like a maniac. The shirt started to go up and I saw the first bit of strong, toned skin. Think Heaven's light and angel choirs on the background. My eyes could not have been wider, desperate to devour the sight. I saw a hint of his belly button and I would have squealed… had it not been for Mister wuss to sissy out and dart out of the room before my mind could even register he was gone.

Everyone just stared in shock after him. But I darted to my feet.

"Oh no you don't! Get back here you sorry excuse for an elf! Get in here and take off your shirt! I did _not_ help Gimli make you lose just so you could sissy out like a pansy! I DEMAND TO SEE YOU NAKED!" I screamed for the entire palace to hear as I chased him.

_Thranduil and Gimli's pov_

Thranduil and Gimli just stared after Alex, both stunned to see such a reaction from her. Even Thranduil had to admit this was just insane.

"Well," Thranduil said, slowly getting out of his shock. "I never thought I'd hear a woman say those words."

Gimli, even though slightly shocked, seemed to brush it off much easier than Thranduil could. "Aye, but I've see her say and do worse things. This is nothing new for Alex."

That was when Thranduil turned to look at Gimli with a genuine but mischievous smile on his face. "Really now?" he said as he leaned forward on the table, placing his elbows on it and resting his chin on his hands. "Do tell, master dwarf," his grin growing bigger.

"Well, there was this one time when she sneaked into the bath house in Rohan and…"

_And this is how Alex, through her shameless behaviour, helped a dwarf and an elf king form an unlikely friendship in unlikely and strange circumstances. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi! So Windy-san will be on vacation for about two weeks and we haven't written anything, so there won't be an update for a while. **

**Probably**** my favorite chapter after the first one so far XD**

**Chapter 7**

I really don't remember the last time I had gotten this drunk. It wasn't fun getting drunk while I was alone at Gondor, and while being here with the elves I hadn't had yet the chance to drink more than a cup of wine for lunch or diner. So, last night, after the strip poker game, Gimli and I decided we wanted to drink ourselves merry like old times, and Legolas joined us. Gimli wasn't very happy that all they had was wine, but that didn't stop him from drinking anyways. I don't remember much from that night, we drank, we talked, we laughed, and I got piss drunk.

So now I have a major headache and my body feels like it was ran over by a Mumakil or two. I wasn't going to even try to open my eyes, so I just stretched my sore body a bit, turned to the side and snuggled up to the nice, warm body next to me… wait, **WHAT**?! My eyes flew open and the first thing I saw was Legolas' sleeping form beside me. At first I thought it was a dream since, well, it wouldn't be the first time I had this dream with him… anyways, I stared at him for a moment, unable to tell if this was a dream or not, so I reached out a hand and placed it on his nose and pinched him. If it was a dream, he shouldn't really react, but he began to stir and eventually he jerked away and his eyes flung open. Our eyes met and for a second we were both stunned.

"AAAAAAAAHHH!" I screeched and I flung myself away from him, falling off the edge of the bed in the process. I heard Legolas exclaim in a long line of flustered elvish before he peeked over the edge of the bed to where I was. I saw his eyes go hugely wide and he jerked away as if the sight burned him eyes. I looked down on myself and realized I was naked save by the bed sheets that were tangled on my body. I flung up and looked at him and realized he was butt naked as well. "LEGOLAS! HOW COULD YOU?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. The elf only looked at me with such confused eyes that it would have been comical had I not just realized that I had given away my first time and didn't even know it. "How dare you?!" I screamed again.

"Alex, please, I-"

"No! No please! You deflowered me! A pure lady!"

I could see it in his eyes that he was thinking "_A pure lady my ass_!" and even though he didn't say anything, I felt more insulted than ever. "Don't you think such thoughts!"

He looked at me a bit shocked and slightly annoyed eyes. "How do you even know what I am thinking?"

"That's not the main problem here! You took advantage of me!" I said, bursting into tears as I picked up the sheets and covered myself as best as I could. I just started to sob miserably, hiding my face in the sheets. I felt slight ruffling on the bed and heard Legolas' frustrated sigh.

"Alex, please, let us think and try to solve this." I didn't even look at him and continued to sob pitifully. "Alex, Alexandra, please, I beg you," he said with the gentlest plead ever. I decided to just look at him since he also sounded desperate and trying to figure things out, and I was hoping he would be able to make things alright. He seemed to brighten up a bit when he saw me look at him and he looked eager to just solve things. "I am sure this is just a misunderstanding. I mean, let us be reasonable! In my right mind I would have never even thought of doing this with you of all people."

"WAAAAAAAAHHH!" I began to just wail and sob like crazy as I picked up the sheets and hid myself in a cocoon as I cried and wailed miserably once more.

The door just swung open and Thranduill burst through.

"Alexandra! What in the Valar's name is happening?!"

I couldn't help myself, I just sat up, looking at him through my tears before I threw myself on him arms. "Oh Thranduil!" I exclaimed, holding the sheets with one hand and Thranduil's robes with the other as I cried into his chest, or stomach, he's so damn tall I couldn't tell what part of him my face was on. "Your son, he, he, he… oh I can't even say it! The horror, I am stained! I have no honor left in my name!"

"You had none to begin with!" Legolas blurted out, clearly speaking faster than his mind could think. He looked like he was internally kicking himself to the pulp for speaking out of frustration and despair, but I was not moved, and neither was his father.

"Legolas! How dare you defile such a respectable young woman?" he said, sounding like thunder. "And my best friend at that!" okay, not so thunderous now, but he was defending his best friend so I was okay with that.

"I would never touch that!" he said, again, looking like he was about to slap himself silly for running his mouth before he could think of his words.

"How dare you call me "_that_" you fucking bastard?! I will kill you!"

I let go of Thranduil, and in my rage I didn't notice I dropped my bed sheet as well. I jumped at Legolas, ready to slap him, but he held both my wrists. His eyes went wide when he realized I wasn't covered and looked away without letting go of my wrists. I was struggling to get free of him when it hit me, he was naked right in front of me. I couldn't help it, I scanned his body from top to bottom and if nosebleeds were real I would have been dead by now. I could have sworn I could hear my ovaries screaming like crazed teenaged fang girls. Legolas looked at me with the corner of his eyes when he noticed I wasn't struggling and he saw me staring at him.

"And what exactly are you looking at, Alex?" he snapped, releasing my wrists and turning around to cover himself from my eyes.

"I-I… I wasn't looking at anything you perverted elf! You are the one who took advantage of my body!" I realized I was no longer covered and ran back to pick up the sheet from the floor, and just in time too since Gimli burst through the open door.

"I heard screaming and wailing! What happened!" he exclaimed, his hands gripping his axe, ready to attack.

Everyone just stopped and stared at him, the awkwardness of the situation multiplying tenfold. Even Thranduil looked a bit uncomfortable with the dwarf's sudden appearance. That was when Gimli saw me wrapped in sheets and Legolas stark naked. The elf quickly retrieved a sheet and covered himself as well. "Oh," he said, putting his axe down and fidgeting a bit with it. "I, uh, didn't realize this was a lover's quarrel." He cleared his throat. "Just when were you two planning to tell me you were a couple?"

"We are not!" I cried out, tears flowing down my face once more as I ran into Thranduil's arms once more. He began to pat my hair gently as he held me close.

"There, there, little one. All will be fine. You see, master dwarf, it seems that my son," he said, sneering at Legolas as he spoke, "in an intoxicated state, took advantage of Alexandra and has dishonored her name."

"You what?!" the dwarf roared, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"I did no such thing!" I saw Legolas look at his father, searching for that fatherly support he so desperately needed right now, but Thranduil simply scolded. "Even my own father abandons me!"

"I will make orc meal out of you!" Gimli shouted, charging at Legolas with his axe at hand.

Legolas jumped from the bed in a graceful and skilful manner that only an elf could manage at a time like this, and he darted out of the room, followed by an enraged dwarf.

I was still sniffing through my ears when Thranduil began to laugh. At first it was a soft and melodious sound, but then it grew into a full guffaw, which, oddly enough, still sounded melodious. Darn these elves and their perfectness.

"Thranduil! How can you laugh at a time like this? What if I end up pregnant?! What if he comes out like him?! The world doesn't need two Legolas! No offense."

"Oh my dear," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder as he managed to control his laughter. "I am so sorry to have dragged you into this, but you see, I could simply not resist such an exquisite chance to mortify my son in such a way."

"Huh?"

_Flashback from Thranduil's pov_

I could hear all the merrymaking you, my son and the dwarf were making, so I decided to head down to the cellar where you were having your drinking party. When I arrived, you were dancing on the table, singing something about following a paparazzi until he loved you? At any rate, I hardly got to listen because you fell from the table, unconscious. My son was already in a merry state, so picked you up and brought you to your room. When I returned to see how Legolas and Gimli were doing, I found them both passed out on the floor.

"Well, it is not every century I see my son this drunk." I said to myself. Then the idea came to me and I simply could not let it pass. I brought my son to your chamber, removed his clothing and-"

_Interrupt flashback_

"Wait, what?! You undressed me?!"

"Darling no! Of course not." He looked back at the maid who apparently had been on the door the whole time. "The maid did it," he said, pointing a finger at her. She smiled a bit sheepishly and apologetically, obviously hating to have been dragged into such a situation.

"Now, hush and do not interrupt me"

_Continue flashback_

As I was saying, I had you both stripped and left you there. Then I returned in the morning and waited for you to awake. I saw the entire thing through the keyhole and waited to go in when things were at their worst point. I was honestly not expecting the dwarf to charge in, but I suppose he did help make the entire thing more believable.

_End of flashback_

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, _wait_!" I said, taking a step back and looking at him dead in the eyes. "You mean to say that you took advantage of my drunken state, made me believe I had sex with your son, all just to prank us?" I said incredulously.

"Well, mostly to prank him, but yes, that is how things went," he said in the most casual tone ever.

"That… that… was BRILLIANT! Why didn't _I_ think of that?!" I said as I stretched my hand to touch his. "I think you and I are soul mates," I said, wiping an imaginary tear from my eye. That was when I heard a stream of curses from Gimli echo through the halls. "Eh, I think you might want to tell the dwarf the whole story, unless you wish to end up with no grandchildren…"

"Oh, do not worry. I will tell him... eventually," he said with a smirk.

"Oh, I like you more every day!" I said, hugging him.

I guess I can understand why he had to do it. I mean, being about three Ages old must be enough time to do everything and anything, so I can't blame him if he got bored and needed to do this. Besides, the way he laughed, so joyfully and honest, it made me happy to see him so honestly happy and amused. It must be hard to find something funny after several thousand years of life. So I'm glad I was able to bring him joy… I should stop now, I'm getting waaay to mushy.

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